growing in patience

Well, I just published a very long, very well thought out, very scripturally sound blogpost on prioritizing your life, but, for some reason only the first two paragraphs saved and I must start again. It took me hours to complete, over a few weeks because it was a side project, but a big one I was looking forward to finally making available to all. You know that fed-up gut wrenching pull you feel right down in your stomach that makes you want to shout "AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH WWHHYYYYYY!!!" among other things? Well I had that, for about a minute, I sat in silence. Sorting through what I think was a mixture of anger, dismay and frustration. I had to breathe deeply, place my hands in my lap and stare at the kitchen table for a few minutes whilst I prayed that God would sort me out. thoughts came such as "why didnt I write it down or save it on my computer before publishing, for something that long i should have, I almost deserve this, grrrr" and "oh well i wont be writing that again, what a waste of time that was"....this is the point where God sort of grabbed me by the ear and filled me with holy conviction. I knew if it was an audible correction (it wasnt), it would have sounded something like :

"your acting like a child with your inner tantrum. Calm down it can be written again, and WILL be written again. Joyfully and steadily. With the same effort and the same thought it had put into it last time. You will show diligence and patience by doing this. It's not optional"

SIGH. Im sorry Lord. *swallows humble pie and it tastes desgusting, its worse than one of those frozen pies that are still cold in the middle after microwaving and has gristle in it.* Forgive me. I need to be more patient. Its okay. I did it unto You anyway. Therefore Ill do it unto You again. Not that I want to do it again now, but I ask Lord you take that attitude from me. I choose to have a right attitude about this...

and so it went on.

My oh my when your dishing out the chunks of wisdom you get tested. When your discipling others God is going to be ON you like a slick jaguar. Its now been just 30 mins since the closing of that incident and I am still physically feeling let down, disappointed. My heart is somewhat sunken as there was alot of effort and earnest heart involved in that post... but I know this is an opportunity to let patience have its perfect work in me. I thank God for using it to bring me more into His likeness, for catching me in a moment of fleshy fleshness haha. Patience is something I believe I have alot more of since a few years ago, but this has shown me its definately not as developed as I thought, and doesnt God do that? You think your at a certain level and he shows just how much further you have to go to even get to that level much less beyond it? Its a good thing, we need His eye openers, His guidance, His correction and definately afterwards His encouragement, Which I did recieve.

I hope this has encouraged anyone else who has felt the uglies rise up in them today. We are all climbing a mountain, lets not forget we have the hand of God to pull us up when we slip a little. He is so so good!

James 1:4
But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

1 Corinthians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.